I met with a Dr. this morning. Not with one of those Dr’s that you don’t fear, that doesn’t scare you. Not with one of those Dr’s to do a check up or follow up appointments about a cold or a stubbed toe. I met with a Dr. today that you don’t ever want to see. I met with a Dr. whose practice starts with a B. A “B”rett Dr. A Dr. that forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. A Dr. that forced me to look in the mirror…again.
My name is Brett. I’m married. I have three daughters and a son in law. I’ve coached, taught, listened, served, prayed, counseled, been counseled, spent time, road trips, vacations, concerts, games, plays, taken time, and have tried to give and give and give some more. I’ve given everything I’ve had to being a loving husband and a loving father, a provider, and a “good” dad. My daughters are 23, 19, and 15. My wife is a little older than them but doesn’t look a day older than 32. (You’re welcome, Jodi). I’m 46. I’m a pretty good dude. I’ve had to look at myself in the mirror several times in my life to make changes. I’m good at taking care of others and horrible at taking care of myself. After all, when I look at you and your mirrors I see you, not me. And when you don’t like what you see in your own mirror you tend to look at others. I can’t believe I’m here…again, staring at yet another mirror. My mirror. And I don’t really like what I see.
I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. (Hi Brett). I went to rehab three different times to finally get sober. I’ve been sober 13 years. Drug free. Alcohol free. Smoke free. Sober. I’ve switched alcohol and drugs to food. Lots and lots of food. I’m fat. Sober, but fat.
I’ve worked AA. Still do. I believe in God. I believe in the principles. I’m a 12-stepper. I’ve done the 12 steps three different times in rehab and with sponsors. I sponsor. I read the Big Book. I pray, meditate, and serve others. I’m loving, caring, kind, and truly try to practice those principles. I even go to church. I love step 11. I’ve never done the 12 steps with food. I guess that’s my next step in my 12 step journey. I’ll be starting my recovery with step one with food. Scared, and fat. We do recover.
It starts with I. I can do this. I have problems. I have feelings. I have a good life. I have changes to make. I see myself in the mirror. I am running from something. I need to start believing in me again. I am blessed. I have an amazing family. I have a successful printing company. I am loving. I am deserving. I have value. I am worth it. So are you.
I’m awesome. You’re awesome. We’re all awesome. We’re all different in our awesome’s but every single person in this world has some awesome in them. I do, somewhere. Somewhere under the 80 extra pounds of weight I carry. I’m awesome somewhere under the surface. Somewhere in me. Somewhere beneath what I see in the mirror. I know I’m awesome. I guess I just get to look a little deeper to find that in me again.
To thine own self be true. Easy enough. Right? Right. It’s hard. The first step in being true to ourselves is being truthful and honest with our problems and being aware of the changes we need to make in order to actually be our true selves. Truth is hard. Truth can cut to the soul. It has cut my soul recently accepting I need additional help. I keep looking in the mirror. I keep needing help. I freaking need help. So do you. We all need help in this life. That is truth.
Wow. This is a controversial word. It brings up emotions and feelings in me and in most of us. It’s a positive word. It’s a positive action. It simply means “to change”. Enough said. Change.
I. I am.
I am courageous. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can even, cringe, repent. I am lovable. I am valued. I am worth it.
C. Change. Connect. Communicate. Courage. Confidence. Considerate. Challenge. Compassion. Creative. Contribute. Care. Charity. Change.
B. A. R. I. A. T. R. I. C.
I can’t believe I’m here. But, here I am.
Ready. Willing. Open minded. Humble. Embarrassed. Angry. Frustrated. Scared. Blessed. Anxious. Sad. Excited. Honest. Proud. True.
I know this because I looked in the mirror…yet again.